[ She's come from a war-torn world, Toph has to make sure everything's safe first. That being said, that leaves them with uncomfortable feelings talk. ]
Um, okay. But we don't have to talk about it. Seriously. It's all fine.
[ It somehow hadn't occurred to her that other people could be having an issue with that. Toph falters. She can't really leave a friend in need... and Sandry is a friend. ]
... You aren't? Wow. Uh. Yeah, where are you? I'll come to you.
[ It doesn't take long for Toph to make her way over. She doesn't earthbend herself along at high speed, but she doesn't dawdle. She knocks and the door opens and she's frowning slightly, concerned. ]
[ Sandry gives a wavering smile at the joke. It's funny because it's actually true.
She lets Toph into the house, closing the door behind her. Inside the common room is a spinning wheel and a long woven piece of cloth on the table. The cloth has two large blocks, one yellow and one rust colored, both with a border of white on all sides. Also on the table are two teacups and a teapot, and Sandry indicates for Toph to sit at one of the chairs, settling into the other one herself. ]
Yes, actually. I... am afraid I know the answer, but I have to know. The life... where I worked in the tea shop and served you tea and cookies, it... wasn't real, was it?
[ Toph doesn't sit right away; she's a forthright person and, being blind, frequently a tactile one. Instead she stands next to Sandry and places a small hand on her shoulder in support as she carefully answers. ]
It was real for a couple weeks. You really did make me tea and you really did listen to me whine a whole lot.
But all the rest of it? No.
[ She isn't going to couch the truth, especially not right now when it seems like Sandry probably needs something solid and firm to stand on. ]
[ Sandry knew, she knew because she can do her thread magic, something that's part of her very soul. If that life with her papa and the tea shop was real then it simply wouldn't be possible. But her mind rebels against it all the same. How can she choose between her papa and Lark? Between Mitama and Tris, Briar, and Daja? Her uncle?
Sandry does cry, then. It's a soft crying, some tears and quiet sniffling. She pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and tries wiping her tears away. ]
I knew that, but... but I can't believe it at the same time. I wouldn't be able to do my thread magic if it was real. But I also... how do pick? Between them?
[ She keeps her hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently, but otherwise doesn't acknowledge her crying, the same way Toph wouldn't want her own crying acknowledged. ]
... Uh, why do you need to pick?
[ Is she missing something here? Because Toph's totally not giving up the friendships she made during that time, Sandry included, even if she's too circumspect to acknowledge directly how big of an impact some people had made on her.
Being kind to her while she was a useless disabled child means a lot to her, cuts her down to the core even if she won't say it out loud. Toph isn't an idiot and she knows when someone cares about her. It's not in her to fail to return that. If it was, she wouldn't be so torn up about her parents still, even apart from familial obligation. ]
Kakashi and I basically lived together the whole time, and I'm not letting him wander off to live in the woods again like nothing changed.
[ That brings Sandry up short. She just assumed she would have to... choose. Which was real and which wasn't. There's a certain flaw with the idea, but... there's a bud of hope in her heart. ]
But what about all those memories I have with papa and Mitama? They're not... really my family. My actual parents died in the smallpox epidemic. But I still... they feel like my family. I have so many memories of them.
Seems to me like you get to decide for yourself who you care about, [ Toph says with perfect bluntness. She notices and files away the mention that Sandry's an orphan. ]
So what if the memories were fake? You aren't. You can do whatever you want with them.
[ Sandry sits quietly for a minute. She can tell that Toph will give her space to think and process. And it's a lot to think about. What if Kotetsu and Mitama don't want to dwell on the past few weeks? What then? Sandry... she'll understand. She doubts she will ever not think of them with love, but she'll understand.
Finally Sandry gives a nod. ]
Yes, you're right. I can still love them if I want. I don't have to stop.
[ Sure enough, she waits through Sandry thinking it over without any sense of urgency. Toph isn't comfortable throwing around the L-word that casually, but she isn't going to tell someone else they can't use it. ]
Nobody gets to tell you how you should feel about something, Sandry. If anyone tried telling me, I'd smack them.
[ Probably completely true. There's an unflinching straightforwardness to how Toph takes everything, and that includes her feelings. Even if she acts put-upon and embarrassed talking about them sometimes, that doesn't mean she's about to apologize for any of it or, even worse, ask permission. ]
[ Sandry actually gives a small laugh at that. It's barely more than just some puffs of air, but it's unmistakably a laugh. She can picture it, Toph just reaching up and smacking someone full force. ]
You're right. No one can tell me how I feel about things. I do, and that's how it is.
[ It's a bit wavery, but Sandry sounds resolute in that statement. ]
[ That gets a giggle out of Sandry. Once again Toph reminds her of Briar. Tris would have practically stormed out of the room at such a declaration.
Sandry places a teacup in front of Toph. ]
Okay, I won't bring it up again. Probably.
[ She reaches for the woven cloth and pulls it towards her. She knows Toph can't see the colors, but it also means she can't see the way the color in the blocks seems to shift, as if it weren't really one color. Her voice is a little quiet again when she speaks. ]
I knew the answer, truthfully. The first thing I did after my memories return was to spin and weave. I can't believe I went a whole month without it.
[ She accepts her tea cup with good grace, not as disgruntled over being made to acknowledge their friendship out loud as she puts across. There's just no reason to sit around talking about their sappy feelings.
Toph takes a sip as she listens. ]
Being without my bending sucked, [ she answers in blunt agreement. ] Did it feel really different to you, too, when it came back?
[ Hard to deny the truth of it when the whole world felt different to her. ]
[ Sandry begins to shake her head and then shrugs. ]
It was like I found a piece of my heart again. I love my magic, it's part of who I am. I didn't understand it when it came back to me at the end of the month, but now I do. I hope I never lose it again.
[ Sandry takes a sip of some tea while thinking about that. ]
How did they change my memories like that? Why did I have to go through the exercise of weaving them when other people aren't confused like this? I don't understand.
[ Sandry sounds equally frustrated. It's just not fair. ]
... I really wanted it to be true, [ Toph says quietly, with total honesty. ] It didn't make sense to me that I could be the person I thought I was. I think that probably helped me a lot.
I got a spinning wheel so I pictured my two different memories while spinning and spun them into thread. Then I wove the thread into separate blocks and separated them with a border of plain thread. I wasn't sure if it would work but my mind was much clearer after that. I did something similar with magic before, separating it out like that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's about what happened last month.
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[ She's come from a war-torn world, Toph has to make sure everything's safe first. That being said, that leaves them with uncomfortable feelings talk. ]
Um, okay. But we don't have to talk about it. Seriously. It's all fine.
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No, it's- it's just... I'm not sure what's real.
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... You aren't? Wow. Uh. Yeah, where are you? I'll come to you.
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[ There's a sniffle. ]
Thanks, Toph.
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...Here for a reality check?
[ It's an awkward joke. ]
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She lets Toph into the house, closing the door behind her. Inside the common room is a spinning wheel and a long woven piece of cloth on the table. The cloth has two large blocks, one yellow and one rust colored, both with a border of white on all sides. Also on the table are two teacups and a teapot, and Sandry indicates for Toph to sit at one of the chairs, settling into the other one herself. ]
Yes, actually. I... am afraid I know the answer, but I have to know. The life... where I worked in the tea shop and served you tea and cookies, it... wasn't real, was it?
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It was real for a couple weeks. You really did make me tea and you really did listen to me whine a whole lot.
But all the rest of it? No.
[ She isn't going to couch the truth, especially not right now when it seems like Sandry probably needs something solid and firm to stand on. ]
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Sandry does cry, then. It's a soft crying, some tears and quiet sniffling. She pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and tries wiping her tears away. ]
I knew that, but... but I can't believe it at the same time. I wouldn't be able to do my thread magic if it was real. But I also... how do pick? Between them?
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... Uh, why do you need to pick?
[ Is she missing something here? Because Toph's totally not giving up the friendships she made during that time, Sandry included, even if she's too circumspect to acknowledge directly how big of an impact some people had made on her.
Being kind to her while she was a useless disabled child means a lot to her, cuts her down to the core even if she won't say it out loud. Toph isn't an idiot and she knows when someone cares about her. It's not in her to fail to return that. If it was, she wouldn't be so torn up about her parents still, even apart from familial obligation. ]
Kakashi and I basically lived together the whole time, and I'm not letting him wander off to live in the woods again like nothing changed.
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But what about all those memories I have with papa and Mitama? They're not... really my family. My actual parents died in the smallpox epidemic. But I still... they feel like my family. I have so many memories of them.
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So what if the memories were fake? You aren't. You can do whatever you want with them.
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Finally Sandry gives a nod. ]
Yes, you're right. I can still love them if I want. I don't have to stop.
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Nobody gets to tell you how you should feel about something, Sandry. If anyone tried telling me, I'd smack them.
[ Probably completely true. There's an unflinching straightforwardness to how Toph takes everything, and that includes her feelings. Even if she acts put-upon and embarrassed talking about them sometimes, that doesn't mean she's about to apologize for any of it or, even worse, ask permission. ]
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You're right. No one can tell me how I feel about things. I do, and that's how it is.
[ It's a bit wavery, but Sandry sounds resolute in that statement. ]
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Yeah, and if you need me to smack anyone for you, I'm so ready.
[ A beat of silence before she admits, a little gruffly, ] You were really nice to me while we were like that. I'm not going to just forget it.
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I'll keep that in mind. I think you'd almost like to have an excuse to smack someone.
[ Now that Toph is seated Sandry reaches for the teapot and begins pouring tea. ]
And of course I was really nice, I think we're friends, and that's what friends are for.
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[ No 'almost' about it, Sandry!
Then she makes it awkward with the straightforward declaration of friendship. Toph scrunches up her face. ]
We're friends, just don't get all mushy about it.
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Sandry places a teacup in front of Toph. ]
Okay, I won't bring it up again. Probably.
[ She reaches for the woven cloth and pulls it towards her. She knows Toph can't see the colors, but it also means she can't see the way the color in the blocks seems to shift, as if it weren't really one color. Her voice is a little quiet again when she speaks. ]
I knew the answer, truthfully. The first thing I did after my memories return was to spin and weave. I can't believe I went a whole month without it.
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Toph takes a sip as she listens. ]
Being without my bending sucked, [ she answers in blunt agreement. ] Did it feel really different to you, too, when it came back?
[ Hard to deny the truth of it when the whole world felt different to her. ]
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It was like I found a piece of my heart again. I love my magic, it's part of who I am. I didn't understand it when it came back to me at the end of the month, but now I do. I hope I never lose it again.
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It's not right that it could just get taken away like that, [ she complains, sincere frustration lining her words. ]
We still don't know what really happened, or why.
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How did they change my memories like that? Why did I have to go through the exercise of weaving them when other people aren't confused like this? I don't understand.
[ Sandry sounds equally frustrated. It's just not fair. ]
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--Wait, you said you're weaving them?
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[ Sandry pulls the woven cloth over. ]
I got a spinning wheel so I pictured my two different memories while spinning and spun them into thread. Then I wove the thread into separate blocks and separated them with a border of plain thread. I wasn't sure if it would work but my mind was much clearer after that. I did something similar with magic before, separating it out like that.
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